faded from the winter

mantra

2012-01-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

If I was choosing a life mantra today - this would definitely be in the running.

Find more here.

get-away-friday

2012-01-20T10:44:00.000-08:00

Because really, aren't blogs to vent after all? For some reason with each passing year I become more dissatisfied with my life. Well certain areas of my life. I realize that to many, my life seems good. In many, many ways it really is quite good. I have a very good life and am grateful for all the things I have been blessed with. Such as (in no particular order):

1. The cutest dog in all the land.

2. A very good husband who does the dishes almost every morning without fail so I can come home to a clean house after work (and dirty it up again with dinner every day).

3. A job that pays me a good salary. Of course I could always use a little more but overall I have been blessed with good companies that have good benefits and given me a decent salary.

4. Opportunities to travel. There are many reasons I like to travel. It happens to be a place where I feel most in the moment - I smile the most, I breathe the most, I feel alive the most. And I've thought a lot about it - it isn't because I'm on vacation. It's because I see the world operating in a whole new way. The world feels more simple. I do things that matter to me more. I spend time with my loved ones more. I feel my soul fly just a little more. The best part is that it happens in grungy places with cockroaches, old world cities dripping in rain, and on tropical beaches filled with more air and water than I could ever breathe in.

5. Family and friends that mean the world to me. This is never an area of my life that I question the value of. I've often felt that if for any reason my life ended earlier than I wanted the main blessing that I have been given are the lovely, wonderful, charming, funny, smart, sweet, thoughtful friends and family that are in my circle. Thank you!

6. Warm drinks (hot chocolate and tea of course), soft blankets, 30 Rock re-runs, and someone to snuggle (Adam or Kira?) on cold rainy days.

7. The way I feel when I'm somewhere in nature where there are less people than trees or hills or rocks or wildflowers.What a world there is to explore!

Yet, there are days, that just maybe it all feels futile. Maybe what I'm doing is just a little bit meaningless? I think being away from a place you used to feel comfortable, you used to call home, you used to know things and people, causes you to grown and morph in ways you don't realize. For instance, I desperately feel like I need people to help! I used to be useful - babysitting nephews, holding nieces, making friends laugh in sad times, being there for people who need you. Now, in this new place, it's much harder to be useful. You actually have to go find ways to be useful to others and after a long day at work and dealing with my health issues I don't seem to have much energy to do that. So this is my Friday wish - that I might find a way to be useful to someone, that I can find something to volunteer for that fits with my energy level and weird dizziness issues right now, that I will find meaning through service to others. And that I will also find meaning in the simple things of every day life.

Oh and while I'm wishing - that I can find a cute little boutique hostel in central America to own and operate with Adam and Shakira. And maybe one day, a wee one of our own to join us on this adventure.

lazy afternoon

2012-01-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

I love nothing more than a lazy Sunday afternoon (preceeded by a hike of course). One of my new commitments for the year though is to be more dedicated to going to church. And staying the WHOLE time. If you know anything about my church you know it is three hours long. It's LONG, especially when I have been staying for sacrament meeting only most Sundays the last few months. Well every new year is a time for new commitments. Yesterday, after the WHOLE three hours my house looked like this -

Church is super tiring.

on the road

2012-01-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

Everyone very excited about our road trip to Oregon for Christmas. So much energy at the beginning. Kira brought a few movies to watch along the way.

Christmas day rainbow.

The talented Mrs. Lydia made these for the kids as appetizers.

On the farm - I was in just a little bit of heaven on my sister-in-law Dana's property. She had land, chickens, cows, cats, dogs, a pond....

Here's Red licking my hand. Too bad "Red' is going to be "red meat" later. It's enough to make me become a vegetarian.

Have you ever seen so much green in all your life? I love me some Oregon.

This was crazy. There were ten million birds just swarming on our drive one day.

It's so bright!

Hopefully we will be there before next Christmas. Oregon we love you!

lately

2012-01-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

I turned 33 this year. I'm slowly catching up after the holidays and some busy days at work. I haven't had a chance to review my goals and make new ones for my 33rd year. But I certainly had a lot of fun on my birthday. My best lady friends came to see me from New York, Santa Barbara, and L.A.. We ate good food, sat around, and chatted up a storm. Sometimes with your friends all you wan to do is be around each other. You don't have to be doing anything at all to have a good time. Maybe that is essentially what moves a friend over from casual to best. To quote a line from a movie I love, "We can talk and not talk for hours."

Outside Delfina's - thank you JoJo Hale for introducing us to that restaurant.

Headed to BarCeluna in Alameda for my birthday dinner. We look like the puffy coat brigade.

Just having some fun. Stephanie is about to eat Jennie.

A few years ago Rebekah and I went to Guatemala to celebrate my birthday. San Francisco is not quite the same but the company was just as good.

Don't judge my sad eyes - I was having allergy problems and couldn't wear eye make-up. AGAIN! I think I figured it out though - dryer sheets.

And this lovely lady also popped in for dinner. I'm so happy her company is located up here. It equals more Valerie time for me!

Adam and Valerie being their usual selves.

It was such a lovely birthday. I hope 33 is filled with health, love, and as much time with my friends and family possible.

more or less

2011-12-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

I love many things a little. I love few things a lot. One of the things I love a lot is a mountain full of trees and a forest full of soft pine paths. It might be where I'm happiest - my dog, my love, and some trees.

It is not so much for its beauty that the forest makes a claim upon men's hearts, as for that subtle something, that quality of air that emanation from old trees, that so wonderfully changes and renews a weary spirit. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

holiday cheer

2011-12-09T13:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know why Adam and I think it is so funny to torture poor Kira sometimes - is this how we will be as parents?

Adam is trying to carry the tree in the house and Kira is on attack mode - she is the holiday grinchiest so far this year.

because it should be heard

2011-12-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

Robert Robinson wrote this song in 1757 at age 22. Can you believe it - 22? I don't know why that seems like such a miracle to me. I love his soul.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;

Hither by Thy help I’ve come;

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;

Seal it for Thy courts above.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee:

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it;

Seal it for Thy courts above.

This is verse 5 that isn't included in The Mormon Tabernacle Choir arrangement.

O that day when freed from sinning,

I shall see Thy lovely face;

Clothèd then in blood washed linen

How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,

Take my ransomed soul away;

Send thine angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless day.

I do believe I could listen to this song over and over again. It makes me feel the holiday spirit more than anything else - even more then Elf. Hard, I know. After all, who hasn't wandered and been grateful to be found?

to southern california

2011-11-21T10:59:00.000-08:00

I don't want to hear it. They might be comfortable but so are Rockport Walkers.

you, me and five bucks

2011-11-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

I was really obsessed with Reality Bites when I graduated from college and moved to Santa Barbara. My friend Rebekah and I used to watch it all the time. I remember sitting around analyzing Ethan Hawke and Wynona Ryder's relationship - especially how Ethan Hawke was feeling when he slowly walked passed Wynona and Ben Stiller getting it on in his convertible BMW. Oh I thought he was so dreamy and misunderstood. In my older and MUCH wiser age that I am now I happened upon this movie last weekend and found myself thinking it was totally ridiculous. Why do we feel things but can't be honest about them? How can we love someone but be afraid to tell them?

Sometimes, I find that if we can just say what we are feeling (whether it is pretty, ugly, honest, or difficult) it really just helps you feel that much closer. A random walk home in the rain after a delightful (and very serious but funny) dinner conversation with a lover can really just make you feel that much closer.

say what you will

2011-11-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

This morning this is what I found at the bottom of the bed - a sock cemetery! I know most people despise socks but I love them. I like soft, warm socks that have good shape traction. I deplore shapeless, shifting socks that after two hours of wear are bagging around my feet. Please keep my feet and toes snuggly - my only request.

Maybe it is because my feet always feel cold and I want the extra layer or the fact that I hate dirt and dust particles clinging to the bottom of my feet. Either way - you can't convince me otherwise - I want to wear socks. My one caveat is if I am traveling somewhere muggy and tropical with sand. Then, and only then, my feet want to breathe and feel the gritty beach particles against them.

The problem with wearing socks to bed is this - heat, after about one hour of toasting the bed up with my heartbeat, the socks are no longer wanted. So, to the bottom they go, often tucking themselves lazily into the crack between the sheets and the bed frame, only to be found during sheet-washing day. Socks - I love you.

for once

2011-11-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

My friend Jennie sent me this article and I certainly smiled out loud. I think it's important for marrieds, singles, in-a-relationships to read and learn. I have been categorized in all of those at one time or another.

Tracy McMillan from HuffPost:

"You want to get married. It's taken a while to admit it. Saying it out loud -- even in your mind -- feels kind of desperate, kind of unfeminist, kind of definitely not you, or at least not any you that you recognize. Because you're hardly like those girls on TLC saying yes to the dress and you would never compete for a man like those poor actress-wannabes on The Bachelor.

You've never dreamt of an aqua-blue ring box.

Then, something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your brother's wedding. His wife-elect asked you to be a bridesmaid, and suddenly there you were, wondering how in hell you came to be 36-years-old, walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you could totally repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. You started to hate the bride -- she was so effing happy -- and for the first time ever you began to have feelings about the fact that you're not married. You never really cared that much before. But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.

Well, I know why.

How? It basically comes down to this: I've been married three times. Yes, three. To a very nice MBA at 19; a very nice minister's son at 32 (and pregnant); and at 40, to a very nice liar and cheater who was just like my dad, if my dad had gone to Harvard instead of doing multiple stints in federal prison.

I was, for some reason, born knowing how to get married. Growing up in foster care is a big part of it. The need for security made me look for very specific traits in the men I dated -- traits it turns out lead to marriage a surprisingly high percentage of the time. Without really trying to, I've become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships -- someone who's had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.

But I won't lie. The problem is not men, it's you. Sure, there are lame men out there, but they're not really standing in your way. Because the fact is -- if whatever you're doing right now was going to get you married, you'd already have a ring on it. So without further ado, let's look at the top six reasons why you're not married.

1. You're a Bitch.

Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife.

2. You're Shallow.

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

3. You're a Slut.

Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.

That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.

4. You're a Liar.

It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."

You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.

5. You're Selfish.

If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. You're Not Good Enough.

Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size.

Alright, so that's the bad news. The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner. You're just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy. It won't. Once the initial high wears off, you'll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don't deserve it. Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to. But as you give him love anyway -- because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self -- you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:

Love."

For the article GO HERE.

such great heights

2011-11-15T12:02:00.000-08:00

Someone at work shared this today. If you notice down below you can see all the areas of the world they are flying over in sequence. Aren't the lights from the Aurora Borealis amazing?

Earth | Time Lapse View from Space, Fly Over | NASA, ISS from Michael König on Vimeo.

Would you want to go to space? It's looks pretty from up there.

baby love fern

2011-11-13T12:57:00.000-08:00

This girl is naming her little girl my baby name. I know baby names aren't commodities that can be owned but I'm just a little bit sad. My baby Fern has had her name for years and I was kind of hoping that the name would remain unused until this girl right here (me) could pop one out. Just for the baby-naming record - my little girl (if I ever have one) will be called Fern. It's such a perfect name - in my eyes of course. But it reminds me of everything I'd want in a name - it's simple, it's of the earth, it's something beautiful, it's the name of a character from a good book (Charlotte's Web), it sounds nice when spoken, and it is unique. Hopefully I'll have a baby love Fern to call my own some day.

P.S. Apparently I have a lot of time on my hands today perusing the internet and posting everything I see. I promise I won't post anything else....today. I'm going to make albondigas soup now.

in the name of the family

2011-11-13T12:43:00.000-08:00

Please note this is part of the reason I like my family. This is a conversation on FB - all from this picture. And yes, my mom also commented.

Type any name to tag:Type any name.Megan Clark Sanders

My sexy, sexy husband wearing his first set of Italian riding gear :-)— with Jackie Sanders.

LikeUnlike · · Share · October 14

Isaac Sanders All i can say is gay gay gay!

October 14 at 8:09am · LikeUnlike.Sue Chatterley Sanders Landreth hahaha Isaac!

October 14 at 1:29pm · LikeUnlike.Megan Clark Sanders and all I can say is yum, yum, yum! ;-)

October 17 at 7:30am · LikeUnlike.Isaac Sanders Jackie put a sock in your crotch it looks flat says Aaron

October 17 at 12:42pm · LikeUnlike.Megan Clark Sanders HAHA thanks for the tip Aaron

October 18 at 1:56am · LikeUnlike.Megan Clark Sanders what about a potatoe...

October 18 at 1:56am · LikeUnlike.Jackie Sanders I tuck.

the art of collecting

2011-11-13T12:16:00.000-08:00

What can you do without? I know that moving somewhere is always a challenge. In the past I've noticed that I haven't held on to places I've lived. I've been able to let them go and move forward, excited to feel exhilarated by my fresh surroundings. I have to say that this move by far has been the hardest for me. For the first time I don't want to move again. I'm ready to stay, make friends, and not ditch them like I have in the past. It's making me miss all the friends I've collected along my way that much more. Not to mention the places I've been as well. Maybe it's just the fall weather, the crisp in the air, and that nostalgic floating of leaves in every step but I can't help but wish I had my friends here. I have a few, from the past. It takes time to grow those into close ones though and there is something about having a close friend come over - maybe it's the lack of explanation, the lack of talking, or perhaps it's the ease of talking. Adam says I get on the phone and talk to my friends about nothing.

I like to argue that talking about "nothing" is what makes having such good friends lovely. He also apparently isn't listening when we discuss world hunger or the meaning of life. You know, 'cus that is certain to come up with goods friends.

During this time of "thanks giving" I want to mostly recognize the friendships in my life. It is a given that I love my family, my sisters, my brothers, my funny nieces and nephews. And not a "given" in the way that you have to love your family. I genuinely "love" my family. But they deserve a whole special post and I'm always going on and on about them in some post or another

I've had some of my friends since I was 6 years old. If you do the simple math that is over 25 years. Through all of life it amazes me that we can still have so much in common, that we can still find so much love and friendship between us. It's pretty amazing.

Of course there are newer friendships that feel just like the 25 year old ones. Or the ones that you don't speak to that often but when you do it's like no time has passed.

So today I'm writing about how lucky I am to have such good friends.

I hope you all know how much I miss you (even if I don't have a picture of you on this post).

You are welcome to come to San Francisco any time to visit. I have a second bedroom waiting for visitors.

It might not be as warm as Costa Rica or as beautiful as Italy. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd much rather being there with you.

But I'm here. Which of course is a pretty good reason to come drive across the Golden Gate Bridge

I've been looking for excuses to hike in the redwoods or explore a new city restaurant.

Or we can just sit around my house, happy to be with a friend. Thanks to all my friends for making my life so great. I miss you and am thankful for that as difficult as it is to move - every single place I've been - I've collected a few more of you to make my life that much better. You know I'll be singing the same tune if I ever move from here. Hopefully it's to a farming commune that I can convince all of you to join so that I can selfishly have you with me all the time. And have some goats, because I'm simply dying to have a few goats in my life. Love you friends!

no good

2011-11-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Say hello to the newest addition to the Hale family; a two-week heart rate monitor! Isn't having health problems fun? It's been almost a week and this monitor is driving me bonkers. It's stuck to my skin with super human strength sticky tape glue and itches like a mo' fo'. Yea - I just wrote that. It is starting to collect little dust fuzzies around the corners and I am really getting sick of trying to hide it at work. I've been wearing scarves and Amish clothing (think Gunne Sax dresses with collars up to my neck) all week. I am really hoping that this helps the doctors figure out what is going on.

My new cardiologist up here doesn't like what my old cardiologist diagnosed several months ago and wants to gather data of his own. Today has been a bad body day. I've been extra dizzy and off-balance since a week before going to China. It keeps getting worse each day and I'm seriously sick of not feeling well. Today I took Kira on a walk and struggled with my dizziness the whole way. Later in the day I tried to do yoga at my house and had to stop because I felt like I was going to pass out. Sometimes I just want give-up. Is it time for me to be reincarnated again? I'm ready to try something new. My smile isn't fooling anybody.

from the interwebs

2011-11-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

By Unknown Monk, 1100 A.D.

“When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”

minimoon

2011-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

I was super happy when Gini and Brandon decided to take their minimoon to San Francisco. Brandon has never been here so they spent three nights in the city and then two nights at our place. It was nice to have friends again for a few days.

We decided to make the traditional Grandpa trip to Half Moon Bay. I love this picture because it has two of my favorite people in the whole wide world in it - my Gin and my Grandpa.

And baby Brandon is soon becoming a favorite. He has to put in more time though to officially make the cut.

I begged Gini and Brandon to bring Brawley their dog with them. I love Brawley. Almost as much as I love Kira. So we got to babysit Brawley while the newlyweds were downtown. Every night Brawley would snuggle under the covers next to my knees. He has definitely made my non-existent love of small dogs grow considerably. Even in his lame sweater.

Kira loves Brawley too. She had almost 6 days of a buddy with her all the time. A few times I could tell she wanted him out of the picture (she's a jealous dog) and I thought she might resort to criminal behaviour but she kept it together. Brawley survived and Kira moped for at least 5-7 days after he left. She would just sit on the rug with her head on her paws and stare off into space, ever so slowly blinking her eyes in loneliness.

It's just not right to hang out with Gini unless there is a photo shoot. In the redwoods (which I already mentioned a few posts back).

Baby Brandon also wins more points because he indulges our photo shoots. He even joins in occasionally.

It was fun to have friends again. Have I ever mentioned how lucky I am to have my sisters as my best friends? Sometimes I wonder if God loves me, then I remember my two sisters and realize, yep, He must if I have two sisters as wonderful, funny, silly, and beautiful as Adrie and Gini.

travel tuesday

2011-11-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

You know I'm often day-dreaming about locations all over the world I'd like to visit. It's a bit of an obsession. I'd like to think a healthy one. Today I stumbled across this picture taken in Nepal. It's on the short list of places I long to visit.

Where do you dream of going? Would you like to go to Nepal with me?

must love dogs.

2011-11-07T15:49:00.001-08:00

Thanks Rebekah!

honey come home.

2011-11-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

A REAL love story for your Friday reading pleasure.

to the trees.

2011-11-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the day off due to my China weekend travel. It was lucky for me since it was the week that Gini and Brandon were on their mini-moon to San Francisco. We picked up Rondo (grandpa) and headed out to Half Moon Bay. On the way home we stopped at some redwoods. I was in my happy place.

Aren't the trees amazing? There was moss covering cement picnic tables and barely a sound could be heard. The park was vacant, like forgotten ancient ruins. I thought I might be in heaven, but no, I was in the forest. In my book, that might be the very same thing.

the things you do.

2011-11-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

If you wonder what I "do" when I'm in China here is a sad rendition.

This is me, happy I landed safely but perplexed on how to get to the train. It was way easier than I thought.

This is the view from my room in Guangzhou, China. Every morning people would be out exercising on the field.

This is me taking a picture of myself and the "out the window" view.

This is where is gets real exciting - these are fabric books I find in the factory and am ecstatic because it's the best plaid I've seen since I started.

And some chambray. Also very exciting.

And some fun textiles.

And the view out my window in Hong Kong.

Next time I promise to take more exciting pictures. Most of them would be of me, in a mini-van, with a book in my lap. China is super exciting when you go there for work.

greatest.

2011-10-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

This is my new obsession. They have taken my jealousy to a whole new level.

Farmers.

About the Farm.

for marilee.

2011-10-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

Brandon and Gini from Vince Rappleyea on Vimeo.

5 things.

2011-10-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

I must admit I'd rather be home. But since I'm here, these are a few things I'm enjoying:

1. Having a driver. It's actually really nice to get picked up and dropped off whenever necessary. I feel like Big in Sex and the City. Except I'm in a mini-van instead of a luxurious town car. And I'm in China instead of New York. And we almost die on a regular basis because of the bad drivers.

2. Tea - there is tea everywhere. Tea at all meals, tea in the afternoon, mid-morning, and after dinner. I love it.

3. Big luxurious California king-sized beds, down comforters, enormous bath tubs that I can luxuriously watch French Kiss from, and air-conditioning to turn my room into The North Pole, snuggling deep under the covers.

4. Funny spellings. For instance, I wanted a diet coke with my lunch. Trying to find it on the menu I located, "Naught candy coke." Did it take you a while too?

5. The Chinese foot bath. Two full hours of massage deliciousness for $30. You start with a ginger spiced hot foot bath while your shoulders, forearms, neck, lower back, scalp, and jaw are massaged. Oh for about one hour. Then you proceed to get your calves, thighs, and then the culmination - your feet for the last hour. Let me tell you this is the most relaxing and tense (all at the same time) massage I have had. My feet have never felt so good in my life. If you ever get the chance - don't you dare turn it down. This alone is worth having to use the factory toilets (with no toilet paper or soap or even a sink at times).

Now, my sweets, only one more sleep until I get on the plane. My anxiety/body has been pretty bad this trip so I'm looking forward to feeling poorly in my own house rather than China. Au Revoir.

P.S. I love that when you fly back from China I beat time. I leave Hong Kong at 11:35 AM Saturday morning landing at 8:35 AM Saturday morning in San Francisco. I just gained 3 hours of my life!

dragon parents.

2011-10-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

I am not a Mom. One day I hope I can be one. I was thinking on the plane over to China that I wanted to feel a soft bundle of baby asleep in my arms and know that I gave her a name and a place to safely call home. Sometimes I wonder if my body can actually create one. I know that if trying naturally doesn't work that I'm not the type for added medical help. It's just not for me. I have so many issues already that if my body isn't capable of creation on it's own then I won't force or gently coerce it to. There are other options - adoption, being an awesome Auntie, traveling. If you have kids already you don't think about these things. Maybe you think about how much you'd like your house to be clean or quiet. Maybe you think about how nice it would be to go to a yoga class or the grocery store - on your own. Maybe you'd rather spend your money on a new pair of boots instead of diapers - maybe.

The thought of maybe one day creating another life, fills me with excitement and also with dread. What if something is wrong? What if this little bundle hurts and I can not make it better? It is bound to happen. I often wonder that being spared this worry is better than the attempt or the try. Maybe I'm too old and too anxious and too much in my head.

I read this story today,

Notes from a Dragon Mom

and it gave me hope and inspiration. People are powerful. People are strong.

pieces of home.

2011-10-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

Internet access has been found. It's day 3 in Asia, day 2 in China, and day 1 of more than 3 hours of sleep. I feel kind of refreshed. Kind of. I have been enjoying some of the alone time to read though. I've finished The Imperfectionists and am half-way through, The Elegance of the Hedgehog. I definitely recommend the first if you like novels about intersecting stories and the follies of human lives. Don't expect a nicely-tied-up-bow ending. The latter is still out for judgement but it recently took a turn for the better. It's nice to have something to look forward to at 2 am when you are wide awake for 3 hours.

Here are some pics from our adventure on the Alameda Ferry last weekend.

It was nice and windy - I think I look like I've definitely moved well into my 30s. Maybe it's something about the over-sized grandma sweater. Next stop Garnet Hill.

I spent a long time trying to get Adam to smile with both sides of his mouth. This was the best I could get. I love his two-sides smile. I think he looks so handsome.

Together in all of our ferry glory. FERRY - not FAIRY.

It was fun to get out in the city and do something. Now if I would only buy a camera I could get better pictures. Well, I'm off to walk through a factory line. Exciting isn't it? Kisses from China.

many shades of black.

2011-10-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

Lyla wanted to try on her OWN pair of shoes at ZARA this week when she met me for dinner in Orange County. I have to admit that I admire her independence even if it causes a few fits and terrors for my sweet sister Adrienne.

Her shoes ARE pretty cute too. I almost bought some for myself.

I'm getting ready to head out the door to board my flight for Hong Kong. I get major trip anxiety right before I leave - maybe something about a 15 hour plane ride alone and a weird heart that acts up when it wants to. Add me to your prayers please - that my body will behave and that I can be relaxed. China here I come.

Oh Devendra Banhart had something to say about that:

Oh and he should pull up his pants. Gross.

tripper.

2011-10-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

It's Monday and it's back to work for me. I know I waxed thoughtful yesterday morning. I guess that's okay right? The rest of the day was so relaxing. I did laundry, watched a period French film (Adam would've hated it but yea! he was at work so I could assume control of the television), made spicy Italian sausage butternut squash soup, and finished off the night falling asleep to an Alfred Hitchcock.

I hope I'm ready for the next two weeks. It's down to Orange County tomorrow until Thursday, then off to China on Saturday. Even if working in China won't be that much fun it's still kind of exciting to get a stamp in my passport. :)

sunday morning.

2011-10-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

This morning Adam had to go to a work event downtown SF. It's been some time since I've just been able to lay in bed and enjoy the quiet. I have a crazy two weeks ahead and lately my body just always feels tired and run-down. As I was laying in bed this morning I couldn't help but reflect on my religious life - quite honestly, it has always been a struggle for me. At times I feel so connected and at others I am a lone traveler on the road to nowhere. I've often considered that maybe this is just part of my personality. Maybe it's just part of the struggle that is me. And a struggle I continue to accept and strive to overcome.

This morning as I sit in this quiet and relish the grey outside I find myself thinking about this scripture - Mark 9:24 -

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief."

It's me. I believe.... Please "help thou my unbelief." It most likely won't all ever make sense to me but I know I won't give up trying to find my way.

And just because I can't leave you without a picture or a song. Here's something quiet to enjoy on your Sunday, courtesy of my friend Dainon.

David Williams-Sunday Morning from Michael Friberg on Vimeo.

blue lips, blue veins.

2011-10-15T18:41:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it kind of look like I have a snaggle tooth? This weekend we're enjoying the city for the first time in months. We rode the ferry from Alameda to the Ferry Building downtown SF, ate some delicious salted pig (salami!), and gelato. Now we're headed out for dinner with Jojo in The Mission district. Adam's busy trying on outfits - I told him it was time to get some new clothes.

Hope your weekend is going as lovely as mine! And that you have a little someone to love as cute as my Lyla.

last night.

2011-10-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post this last week after Steve Jobs passed away but I got too busy with the wedding soiree. I find it rather inspiring as I often feel like I am not living the life I want. I am held by practicality, the struggle to survive, and for certain the "noise of others' opinion."

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

— Steve Jobs — Stanford commencement address, 2005.

What is keeping you from your dreams? Do you ever feel like you are not living the life you were meant for? How do we gain the courage to follow our hearts?

1, 2, 3, 4...

2011-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Work has been keeping me so busy this week. Plus I had Bonnie and baby Daniel in town and tonight Adam's sister JoJo is coming to stay - yippee! I love it but it leaves little time for blogging - mostly 'cus I've been falling asleep on the couch exhausted before 10 pm this whole week. Grandma! So, you're just going to get one at a time. Deal with it!

ta-da!

2011-10-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Mr. and Mrs. Croniser. More wedding pictures to come!

monday, bloody monday.

2011-10-10T09:20:00.000-07:00

It was a lovely wedding weekend. I got home late last night and had to scramble to get to work this morning. I think it helps that it is another rainy Monday. I'm bundled up, have a detox tea in hand, and am sorting through emails. Sometimes, on rainy days, work isn't so bad. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be snuggled on my couch watching movies and drinking hot chocolate, but the bills gotta get paid people!

Neighborhood fall walk.

if there's such a thing as love.

2011-10-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

This weekend, this woman below will be getting married. This woman, as most of you already know if my favorite younger sister Gini. I love Gini so hard - you people have no idea. I'm gulping back emotion as I type. I don't have any kids of my own but I can kind of imagine how you might long for their happiness in the way that I want my little Gin to be happy. I know Brandon makes her happy and I am so thrilled they decided to get married. And did I mention I am super thrilled "The Lindz" found me an orange dress to wear 4 days before the wedding? That is besides the point - this is all about Gini and Brandon. I can't wait to see them married this Saturday and am grateful they didn't elope so I get to be a part of their special day. I love you Gini. You'll be such a beautiful bride and I totally approve of the shoes. :)

get-away thursday.

2011-10-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Adam and I went up to the Muir Woods for a short ll-miler. It was unplanned and quite lovely - even if we were extremely sore the next day.

John was a smart guy. I liked his perspective.

It was so lush and green up there. I felt like I was in Oregon.

Did you see the smile on my face?

Adam taking a stretch.

Look at that carpet of green.

Isn't it magical?

crafty.

2011-10-04T20:14:00.000-07:00

I am in blog heaven. I didn't even have to figure out how to make my pictures bigger. Blogger stepped up and made it so easy - my life is complete. No really I just wanted to show off my one and only crafty decoration I made for Gini's bridal shower. Isn't it so crafty? She loved it so much it might make an appearance at the actual wedding. I feel so proud...and domestic!

forget-me-not.

2011-10-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

I know that a lot of people loved Elder Uchtdorf's talk in the General Relief Society Session of conference and it has been posting it's way around the blogosphere. It really was that good and that sweet.

There were two sections that really stood out to me:

"The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love."

I know that I am guilty of both at times; waiting for the golden ticket and feeling forgotten. What a sweet reminder to enjoy the beauty of the every day and to know that our Heavenly Father loves us...ALWAYS. To read more GO HERE.

This picture reminds me of the small things that make life beautiful and also that Heavenly Father loves me. If someone as precious as Lyla is part of my life then he must love me. I'm quite sure of it.

away from it all.

2011-10-03T09:50:00.001-07:00

I had a very thoughtful weekend. Adam and I went to the movies and saw 50/50. I loved it. I thought it was the perfect blend of sorrow and laughter. It reminded me that in our time of struggle we still have the ability to laugh. That is how life is. The good mixed with the bad. It is kind of what makes life beautiful right? Oh and I was struck with how important it is to be loved and to love those in our lives. It really made me miss the people close to me in my heart. I left wanting them to be close to me in proximity. Moving is hard. Being away from good friends and family is hard - RILLY hard (for you Gin).

We also listened to a lot of General Conference. There were so many things that I listened to that I actually don't remember anything in particular. Good thing I can read them later. That is usually how I learn best anyway.

Look how nicely Kira is paying attention. We went over to my Grandpa's on Sunday to watch the afternoon session. Then we had a delicious dinner made by Grandpa. We love him so much and are so happy to be near him.On my way to work this morning I thought about this picture of Buenos Aires by friend Leif sent me. We both want to live overseas and we were mulling around ideas. Doesn't this look like a nice place to post up for awhile?

It's cold and rainy here this Monday morning. I love it. Happy Monday.

enough already.

2011-09-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

It's Friday and I'm so happy about it. It looks like my two nieces started the weekend early.

nostalgia.

2011-09-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from work today and I know it is the fall weather coupled with the approaching winter shadows but I was overcome with nostalgia; mixed with it was a sense of the future. I imagined a more simple life...perhaps one with less hours spent at a desk and more spent with loved ones and the outdoors. I had a vision of a gorgeous porch swing, some green meadows in front of me, and the evening settling across my view. It was glorious. I only wish it were here now.

To enjoy your fall evening.

walk with me.

2011-09-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

After work, almost every day I take Kira out for a walk. It is my most relaxing time of day and I love it (aside from Kira pulling on the leash like she is a sled dog). I get to see the beautiful houses in my neighborhood, enjoy the last few minutes of daylight, and find funny things in my neighborhood.

Did YOU lose your dragon?

why not?

2011-09-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a little while right?

skinny love.

2011-09-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday Adam and I went to see Bon Iver at The Greek Theater in Berkeley. It was a perfect night. We ate at Jupiter. On the menu was beet salad and Greek pizza with homemade root beer - fabulous! It was warm, the music was good, and we laughed a whole lot on the walk to and from the venue amidst the twinkling blue lights. We even got a little bit lost - and that was perfectly all right with us.
Have a listen:

mental.

2011-09-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I get mentally sick. So, I call in "mentally sick" and take some time for myself. Today I mostly ran errands but along the way I treated myself to this:
YUM!

And then I got myself a pedicure. Do you like my mixed toesies? I kinda do. Here's to being mentally sick. Now Adam and I are gonna watch back to back episodes of 24 for the next 6 hours. Happy Friday!

first day.

2011-09-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Do you love fall as much as I do? I can't wait for the smell of pumpkin soups, drinking hot chocolate made with whole milk, and long walks through the trees in fading light.

Today is the first day of fall - start to enjoy it.

love me tender.

2011-09-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I nag Adam like a bad wifey about watching too much T.V. I can't help it! I hate the boob tube - except for Mad Men and Downton Abbey and 30 Rock. But when Adam started training for triathlons last November I felt my heart swell with pride for his ambition and determination. After a few races it became apparent that Adam was a natural triathlete. GO ADAM!

Well last weekend we cruised to San Diego, America's finest city, for his first half iron man (yea you already know this since you read my blog). Well it was pretty amazing to watch. Plus it was also super delightful to be munching on bagels with cream cheese and a diet coke while I watched my lover sweat his guts out. Phew - it was hot out there waiting to cheer him on. Luckily I had my favorite side-kicks (Shakira and Gini) with me to make the time go by.

Here is Adam's race number. I'm not sure why he wanted to cover the family jewels with it - maybe he is shy?
Kira being SO hot but SO good.

Just out of the water. We loved that every time we found Adam to cheer him on he would make a silly face or a smile. Gini and I developed a whole etiquette of race cheering. For instance, you need more than two phrases to cheer people on. "Good job" and "keep it up" get really boring and redundant after a while.

Here I am wandering around trying to get to the bike course. We did eventually find it. On the trek we also decided that we really appreciate the racers that reply to our cheers with smiles and "thanks." Another rule is cheer for everyone. Some people are there on their own and need friendly smiles to encourage them. Especially if they are handsome navy seals.

Here is Adam coming off the 56 mile bike ride. See...a smile! he was a very thoughtful racer.

Another no no we decided was, "you're almost there!" Mostly because they weren't almost there. A half iron man is LONG. You are only allowed this phrase when they are running down the home-stretch from the half marathon.

We don't look SO bad for being 7 AM in the morning.

Adam on the run. This is when my little heart went out to him. He looked super tired. So we cheered really hard and I flashed him for encouragement. Just kidding people!!! But I bet that would've helped!

This was our favorite spectator. Put some pants on lady. Saggy bikini bottoms are not becoming on you. Especially for 7 hours straight.

And....we're done! I was so proud of Adam...and a little worried he was gonna collapse. But, he didn't. He was awesome and beat his goal time by 45 minutes. And even though I look pregnant in this photo I'm not. Note to self not to wear this outfit again. Here's to the Iron Man next year in Montreal! You can do it!

Fly with me.

2011-09-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

I can't say that I travel a lot. But I must admit this year I've had my fair share of flying. And, it isn't over yet. In the next month:

OAK-SAN
OAK-SNA
OAK-PDX
SFO-HONG KONG!

And that doesn't include the return flights. I'm tired already! After taking so many flights you do start to appreciate the little things - like midnight candy bars given out on Singapore Airlines; full size midnight candy bars. Or that one time I flew as a buddy on American and was able to luxuriate in FIRST CLASS all the way from Germany to Dallas. Man that was a good flight.

Well, that was a long preface to this complaint letter a passenger sent to Virgin Airlines. I literally laughed out loud at my cube.

GO HERE and enjoy some laughs.

Fête.

2011-09-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Everything sounds so much better in French doesn't it? This weekend is a celebration of my little sister Gini's soon-to-be wedding. We'll be having a bachelorette party tonight and then Sunday Adrienne and I will be hosting a bridal shower BBQ. The food is gonna be delicious!

I am so happy for Gini and Brandon. I know how much he loves her and wants happiness for her. Almost as much as I want happiness for her, almost.
Oh did you notice my new fall hair? A sister celebration is a very good reason to get your hair done. Let's celebrate! I love you sister!

Just because.

2011-09-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

So I'm having a hard time finding an orange dress I like for Gini's wedding. I employed the service of my boss on a slow afternoon to aid my search. After a few emails with orange dress links I got this email:

Kira's dress:

I really think Gini would approve! And did I mention I like having a boss with a sense of humor AND who is concerned about my dog's attire?

Check-up.

2011-09-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other morning that it was high time I checked back in with my goals. Then I promptly forgot about it because I realized that I wasn't very close on a lot of them. In my musing I also decided that it was my list and I reserved the right to redesign some of them.

1. Hike Machu Picchu or go to Croatia. I am undecided. Hooray! I went to Croatia in April this year. It was spectacular. I loved every minute of it.

2. Become a certified yoga teacher.

3. Pick a paint color for my kitchen wall and love it (Oh and paint it). Technically I didn't love it but the wall got painted when we rented our place out. I have to say it looks MUCH nicer than the ugly dirty white it was before.

4. Make bread from scratch.

5. Start a compost in my backyard.

6. Get into full pigeon pose.

7. Start a family (even though my dog and my Dad are currently my two kids right now).

8. Blog about anxiety - there are lots of other people who have it. They like to avoid Costco on Saturdays too.

9. See Niagara falls.

10. Get a Voodoo Doughnut. Lucky me - last time I was in Portland I forced Adam to take Jonelle, Eric, and myself here. I admit the doughnuts were kind of overrated. But hey - I did something I have always wanted to do!

11. Take a belly dancing class.Luckily my sister Ka'imi offered belly dancing at her studio so I forced Gini to go with me for two classes. It was super fun and I am convinced I need a little hip scarf with coins on it to make me swivel better.

12. Take French 101. Oui! Oui!

13. Go to the top of the Empire State Building. In January this year I was able to visit Miss Jessica in the city that never sleeps.

14. Do it outside. And by "it" you know what I mean. C'mon be adventurous! Plus it helps with my number 7.

15. Take a rock climbing course. Yep - getting laid off really helped my travel schedule. Jennie and I headed out to Joshua tree for a day climbing course. Have I done it since - nope. But hopefully that will change.

16. Landscape my front yard. Again - renters helped out with this one. We FINALLY did a bit of landscaping and our yard looked a zillion times better. Just in time for someone else. Noted.

17. Learn to knit a beanie (not using the nifty-knitter).

18. Go see another concert at Red Rock in Colorado.

19. Quit my job. Does getting laid off and finding a better one at a cool company count?

20. Go gluten-free for two weeks. My friend Bonnie said I should do two months and I said no thanks! I'm pretty sure it was two week and a lot easier than I thought. I realized that I am a sugar addict not a gluten addict. New goal for next year.

21. Stop using paper towels.This met some resistance from Adam but slowly he was coerced. I feel good about it.

22. Memorize a poem.

23. Grow something new in my garden this year.

24. Keep a "thankful list" and add something new once a week.

25. Make something out of wood.

26. Pray every day. Even just to say hello.

27. Read at least one book a month.List to follow at the end of the year. Currently looking for an October read. Suggestions?

28. Sew Kira a cute dog bed.

29. Plant a lemon tree.

30. Find a volunteer organization and VOLUNTEER!

31. Make a new CD mix and send it out to my friends.

32. Fly a kite.

I've only completed eleven out of thirty-two. I better get to work in November after my China trip and Gini's Wedding. How are you doing on your goals?

He's a tinker, like me.

2011-09-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

It was a whirlwind trip to San Diego for good-bye parties, half iron man competitions, and trying to see as many people as possible in 36 hours. Too short but filled with laughs, sweat, and not even any tears. I think that makes it a good trip. I'll have Adam's race pictures later today for posting. In the mean time, isn't a swing one of the greatest things ever?

Baby Daniel.
Sweet Eva.
It was so nice to spend the afternoon at Trolley Barn Park with Bonnie and her kids. Thank goodness for good friends and chubby babies.

Old love.

2011-09-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm getting antsy to get on the road to San Diego. I can barely wait to see lots of loved ones!
Hopefully Adam won't get eaten up by Jaws. Happy weekend!

Just keep swimming.

2011-09-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

This weekend we are headed down to San Diego for Adam to compete in a Half Ironman with his friend Don Bambico. In case you were wondering what that was...it's this:

SUPERFROG Triathlon Distance:
1.2 mile swim
56 mile bike
13.1 mile run

The race should take him about 6 hours total. It gives me a headache even thinking about it.

It's also super comforting that this picture just came out yesterday about a possible shark sighting in San Diego. Since, you know, he'll be swimming 1.2 miles IN the ocean.
I knew there was a reason I don't do triathlons. Wish Adam and Don luck!

2011-09-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning out my personal email this morning since the 4 pages of emails in the inbox was driving me batty. I stumbled across this quote from my friend Dainon that I thought was very poignant.

"It should be satisfactory evidence that you are in the path of life, if you love God and your brethren with all your hearts. You may see, or think you see, a thousand faults in your brethren; yet they are organized as you are; they are flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone; they are of your Father who is in heaven; we are all His children, and should be satisfied with each other as far as possible. The main difficulty in the hearts of those who are dissatisfied is, they are not satisfied with themselves." - Brigham Young
It reminds me that so much of the time we spend criticizing others - we should recognize our own faults and work on those instead. Oh, and trust that God does have a plan for us. Even if we are feeling a little bit lost, a little bit weary, or a little bit confused.

A bigger sky.

2011-09-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

Adam headed up to Oregon over Labor Day Weekend to see his brother Justin off to Afghanistan (more on that later), so I took my 2nd best mate, threw her in the passenger seat and drove our lonely souls to Reno, Nevada. We were well over-due for a visit with my brother Jonas, Amy, and the kids.

Really, have you seen a cuter passenger? This is her, "I am so bored and tired of slipping around on your leather seats every time we go over a bump" face.
One day Hannah and Marcus decided that we should dress up like hobos and walk to the gas station for sodas and candy. I mean, why wouldn't they decide that? Mason wasn't too into it but the rest of loaded handkerchiefs with food stuffs and used golf clubs as our hobo sticks. Don't you wish you had me as an Auntie? Notice that you don't see a picture of me here. My stripey tights and hobo stick didn't need to be memorialized in any way shape or form.

Then, life got even better and we went to the Sparks, NV rib cook-off. Let me just say Reno and Sparks have some choice people in the general population. It was awesome for people watching...and rib eating of course. Personally I preferred the fresh pressed lemonade.

Hannah and I waiting in line for over an hour for the best ribs in town - for Adam. Which I then proceeded to forget the next morning when I left to go home.

Don't you just love a desert sky? I do.

Did you have a fun weekend? As fun as mine? I hope so.

Chatty cathy.

2011-09-01T14:30:00.001-07:00

Ever since starting my new job things have been a little slow. I keep waiting for things to pick up. In the meantime, I am going bonkers sitting at me desk!?!?!?! I do not handle boredom well when strapped to an office chair. I feel like a psychiatric patient in a straight jacket. Yesterday for 11 minutes I just stared at my computer screen. I'm even sick of looking at blogs - but NOT TODAY!

Today, as bored as I am, I am feeling very overwhelmed at the financial blessings that I have in my life. I know that most likely one day I won't have so much expendable income. Don't get me wrong - we still have bills to pay and probably spent too much on my new car but I know that I have more than enough for myself. We can buy ourselves healthy groceries, have a safe place to live, we have excellent health care, and we can even afford trips to see our loved ones and loved places. As I was perusing the blogosphere I stumbled upon my sweet friend Carla's facebook page which linked me to a new blog.

Carla is in need. Dire need. She has cancer in numerous parts of her body and she has 2 beautiful babies and 1 darling husband that she needs to be here for. She is undergoing special treatments in Florida that are not covered by her medical insurance. She has asked for donations to help off-set the cost. In thinking about the needs of others I realize that my working life and schedule don't allow me to support people very often through time. I'm not very crafty and I'm really bad at sending things in the mail. It isn't an excuse - I'm just sayin' that with limited time and resources we have to pick our battles. Today I felt so grateful to be employed with a decent income that I have a little to give to people. I thought about how silly the cost of those beautiful shoes are compared to saving Carla's life (even though I still kind of want the shoes too - duh). Anyways, I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything. My point is that I have often felt blessed with a well-paying job so that I can support others in need. I have never loved my jobs. I've always yearned for something more fulfilling, more inspiring, more noble...maybe one day.

For now, I'm just happy that I can use those 11 minutes worth of staring at the computer and more towards a worthy cause.

If for any reason you want to read about Carla and donate for her life (you should be feeling generous by now) go here.

Delayed gratification.

2011-09-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

I sort of avoid talking about having a baby, pregnancy, and thoughts of a family on my blog because it seems so intimate and personal. Maybe one day I'll share but for now - sometimes it isn't so bad I don't have any kids. It gives me an excuse to waste money on amazing shoes...like these:
Aren't these the most fabulous shoes ever?

Adam-son.

2011-08-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

I would be remiss if I didn't mention my sweet hubby's birthday on my blog. Especially since this is my third time posting since Monday - I am my own encouragement.

I like this picture of Adam because in it he looks happy. We were on holiday (because it sounds so much more chic when you say it this way instead of "vacation") in Croatia at Plitvice National Park. It was a fabulous trip and I enjoyed so much the simple moments of being free to laugh and have fun together without worrying about work, home, Kira, the bills...traveling really does a relationship good.

On Monday Adam turned 36. We celebrated by barbecuing on his brand new Weber BBQ I gifted to him. I bought two very tender filet mignons, made baked sea salted asparagus, and fresh garlic basil mashed potatoes followed up with candle topped carrot cake. It was so nice and relaxing to stay home and have a meal we both felt couldn't have been better in a restaurant. I know how much he always wants a juicy piece of steak - now we can BBQ one up all on our own.
I think what I love most about Adam are his tender heart and his light-heartedness. It's funny, that heart of his, being light and tender all at once. I wish my heart could be lighter - so I'm grateful for him reminding me not to be so serious by watching him every day. It's a gift he has and we're lucky to have him around. I'm lucky to have him around. And so is Kira - since now she'll get steak every once in a while.

Tribute.

2011-08-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

Phones are pretty awesome these days. I love this picture.

Fried green tomatoes.

2011-08-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Charleston, South Carolina late Sunday night. It was a wonderful time. My friend Karinne got married (officially with a wedding dress and cake), I finally was able to visit Savannah, Georgia, and I laughed and ate my heart out with some of the best friends any girl could ask for.
Don't worry. I'm still around. Barely.

A face to love.

2011-08-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

Really, I don't get people who don't like dogs.It's almost like I can't like you if you don't like dogs. Unless you are really cool and make up for it in some fantastic amazing way. Like you can make home-made gelato and own a fox.

I look better on vacation.

2011-07-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

Ever since losing my camera and moving my entire life along with dog and husband I've been a horrible blogger. I blame it on the Czech Airlines employee or passenger who swiped my camera from my seat on the plane. Or maybe I'll blame it on my mother. It's so much easier than blaming my busy self.

I was persuing through Europe pictures tonight and found this one. Don't you just love the way the light changes the colors? Luckily I have no idea how to use Photoshop and all my pictures are just as I take them. Aren't I so authentic? Ha - mostly just impatient to learn how to make my pictures cooler by playing around with the color...
Anyways - if anyone ahem - wants to buy me a camera I promise my blogging will improve for my 5 readers out there.

P.S. I'm really like my new life, even if my heart isn't being helpful.

Lay of the last survivor.

2011-07-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

Five years...FIVE YEARS?!?!?! It hardly seems possible.
To the next five...that will be even better than the last. I'm quite sure of it. Happy Anniversary to us!

To everything a season.

2011-07-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

My blogging has been quite atrocious and it's no wonder no one every reads this thing anymore. There is one more week until Adam and I get to move into our place in Alameda, CA. We've been perusing the streets and I find it a lovely cross of Salt Lake City (downtown) and maybe a touch of Portland. There are trees galore, quaint shops for breakfasting, and a bay not too far of a jaunt for Kira to explore or for my own sunset walks. I'm pretty excited about it.

In the meantime we've been hanging out with Rondo and wandering the Morton Community Park down the street. My Grandpa likes to give us the updates on the immigrant population in all the neighboring regions as well as his own little town. We share the park with the gaggle of Hispanics that frequent it for BBQs, soccer, volleyball, and a Quinceanera or two. We don't blend in but we like it all the same.

Today Adam went to the store and brought me home this lovely collection of junk food to munch on. He called it my "period pack." Then proceeded to mention he's not sure why he got the jalapeno chips and the Entenmann's donuts unless he was PMSing too...

So we'll probably junk food and 30 Rock the afternoon away in bed. Sounds good to me.

I would walk 100 miles...

2011-06-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yep, this is my husband. Yep, he decided to run a marathon without really any training. Yep, he wore that outfit. Yep, I love him and am very proud of him for all of his dedicated training lately. Nope, I don't think he is should wear that outfit in San Francisco though.

City by the sea.

2011-05-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

Two days into my new job and I am exhausted. I've been hanging out with my 91 year-old Grandpa, Grandpa Chatterley. He fixed Adam and I a delicious homemade meal on Sunday and tonight I came home to vegetable soup. After work we already have a little routine. We usually talk about his garden and then we watch Jeopardy and NCIS together. I love to hang out with my grandpa. I feel so lucky to get to have this time with him. I love his stories and is occasional grumpiness. I'd be grumpy too if I was 91. I'm grumpy and I'm only 32! He is the best grandpa any girl could ever want. I love how he calls everyone, "Charlie." If I didn't already have a niece named Charlie it would be the name of my first child, boy or girl, for sure. He worries about me getting to and from work, making sure I know the right directions. He even locks his doors and lets me know. Sometimes we take our blood pressure together before bed time. His back yard is one of my favorite places to be - it has always been so relaxing with the cool San Francisco air. Even if I do miss Kira and Adam, I've got a pretty good replacement roommate in the meantime. we might even go to the movies some time soon. I think Rondo might need to get out a bit.

Here is the view on my morning commute:
Surprisingly, I thoroughly enjoy my commute; crossing the sea on the San Mateo Bridge. It's been blustery at sea and I like to watch the waves crest in the bay on my way to work. I feel like I'm driving right on the ocean all the way there. New city, new life...I like you already.

Drawing near.

2011-05-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

"The time has come - to talk of many things," said the Walrus from Alice in Wonderland. It's kind of how my brain has been feeling these past few days. I am still really sick - the cold from hell. It hasn't helped that I've been out trying to get things done when I should be home resting. I can't believe that tomorrow I'll be driving away from my first home owned, my dog, my Adam, my sisters!?!?!?!?!?, and lots and lots of good friends. That among many other things I love about San Diego. But, I guess if I didn't love it then what was the point of being here? I've always loved the learned details of a city, in the same way I relish the chance to explore a new one. Adam and Kira will be joining me shortly (I can barely stand waiting) but the things I'll leave behind ache a bit inside these days. I'm starting to see why people don't like to move, how they crave stability and things familiar. I just wish I was more like those people.

Upgrade!!

2011-05-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

I've never had such a nice vehicle before but I decided than I'm in my 30s and it is high time I buy something I want (Adam don't you dare call me Veruca)! I love my Pathfinder but being a 1998 it had its downsides - for instance;

1. Super loud inside. I can't hear anyone when I am talking on my cell phone (ear piece of course)!
2. 165,000 miles. And you could tell. I did my best to maintain but driving only 2 miles to work and back I kind of let it go. The exhaust system is pretty faulty.
3. The air isn't cold anymore - and we all know in San Diego you need AC, COLD AC.
4. I was afraid to drive it farther than La Mesa. That's bad.
5. Oil leak. Small but nonetheless there.

Oh does anyone want to buy it?? I'll sell it to you real cheap! :)

Now, I'm the proud owner of a 4 wheel drive 2008 Toyota 4Runner Limited Edition. Adam can even sit in back on car rides and watch Toy Story 3 or Despicable Me. My two requirements for my new vehicle were heated seats and 4 wheel drive. I got both of them and more. I love it.
At least until my first car payment that is! :) PS Toyota Carlsbad was super awesome to deal with! They are relaxed and they are friendly. How often do you say that about a car dealership? Our sales rep Jim Gonzales was also very cool. He says he is a grandpa but I don't believe he is a day over 45. I would totally buy a car from them again. I can't wait to take it on its first road trip to Santa Barbara and then on to San Francisco. One down!

Love in the time of cholera.

2011-05-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

Life is pretty chaotic these days. I know once I get there and find a house and move in and unpack and find Trader Joe's and a yoga studio...then I'll feel better. In the meantime, I came down with a nasty cold, my body aches all over, my throat is a burnin' ring of fire, and I haven't been able to pack, organize, or shop for my all important first day outfit (which may be a fleece and yoga pants like my friend Stephanie suggested). I guess it is the North Face after all.

At the end of last week I threw down my yoga mat in the midst of everything and closed by eyes for a 30 minute self-created yoga class. It actually really helped. As long as I kept my eyes closed that is.

I am thinking I might need the same thing today - just sans yoga poses. Savasana for an hour outta do it. Keep me in your thoughts people! I think I can I think I can I think I can.

Array.

2011-05-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

I have a list of things I want to do in San Diego before I move. One of them is the Carlsbad Flower Fields. They are FULL of ranunculus. And those are one flower I truly love. It was hard to edit out the pictures because of flower picture was so beautiful.

Gini and I enjoying her new Nikon fancy camera.
Pink.

Multi.

This is her friends Autumn's baby Mila. Mila is super adorable and tolerated us setting her up incognito IN the fields (outlawed).

Pink. Yellow.

I think flowers make everyone look prettier. I should just carry around bouquets of them all the time. It would add to my look.

I think the orange were my favorite. Sherbet.

Outlaws in the field.

These are a type of poinsettia. My goal is to find these at Christmas instead. Aren't they spectacular? too bad I can't remember the name. Grrr.

I'm getting pretty sad about moving. I am looking forward to working for The North Face but leaving behind my family is going to be really hard. Really hard. See look, I'm making myself cry right now. *Sniff*

Be still my beating heart...

2011-05-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

...but not too still. If you know me, you know I have suffered from ANXIETY for the last 5 years or so. At times it has consumed me in a way that has caused me to fear going to Trader Joe's on my own, Costco was a thing of the past, and traveling alone wasn't even a consideration. I know Anxiety (with a capital A) is real and not just a mind game like some people think. If you know anything about your body it has a chemical mind of it's own at times. That said, my biggest battle faced has been mentally. I never wanted to let it control me. Sometimes Anxiety won. Sometimes I did. And sometimes it taught me to laugh at myself (along with my sister Gini) when we talked about waking up with racing hearts in the middle of the night and making our significant others listen to our hearts. You can always spot someone with anxiety because you'll find them with a hand over the heart or two fingers checking their pulse on the carotid artery. I laugh and then my heart goes out to them because I appreciate our funny quirks but also know how detrimental to enjoying life Anxiety can be.

Classic Anxiety hand over heart move below captured on camera. At least I was on a train en-route to Croatia.I've always felt that my Anxiety was caused by something. I became a doctor's office favorite - no really they like me! Luckily my doctor, Dr. Don, is an amazing man. He is the best doctor I've ever experienced and from what I hear from everyone else my bragging rights are solid. He has been so patient and understanding with my issues. He is a doctor of the old school caliber with the smarts of a young person fresh from medical school. He cares about his patients and every time I mentioned I might have dengue fever, elephantitus, liver cancer, or the rare SARS he never said to me, "It's just your Anxiety," even if he thought it. Well after some very weird episodes of Anxiety he wanted to put me on the Holter monitor. For 24 hours he wanted to test my heart and catch one of my "episodes" on record.

Three days before I left for my wonderful adventure to Europe, he called to relay some scary news to me. It looked like I had a heart issue and possibly the cause of ALL my anxiety. Without enough time to go to the cardiologist before the trip I called him crying a few days before (my heart meds in hand) asking him if I should go. He promised I would be safe, that the vacation would do me good, and that I should meet with the cardiologist upon my return.
On my trip I had 4 "episodes" was what I was calling them and each time felt like I was in the middle of a heart attack. I practiced calming down and reassuring myself that my body was safe. I also decided to get a Priesthood blessing before my trip. In the sweet blessing I was told that I would be safe and that my heart episodes would be no different than normal. This gave me a lot of peace during these episodes, not really knowing what was going on. I was able to have an amazing trip with my sisters, Lyla, Adam, and a final visit to Germany to see my best friend Bonnie and her new baby. I am grateful for that blessing, for being able to go on an adventure, not free of discomfort, but knowing that the discomfort wasn't going to be life-threatening.

Upon my return I visited the cardiologist and was completely surprised by his reply - he was 95% positive that I had a heart condition called Supraventricular Tachycardia with AV node re-entry. Yep, I memorized that and even impressed Dr. Don when I visited him after the cardiologist. I learned a few days ago from my cousin Kirk in his residency that they call it "AVNRT," for short. So now it is much easier to say. I've spent a lot of time looking into it after my doctor recommended a drug called Verapamil daily and vagal maneuvers to try to stop the tachycardia. Basically the electrical system of my heart has a glitch in it. Randomly my heart will start to speed up and beat so fast it feels like I'm running the 100 yard dash ...when I'm laying down, reading a book, for doing things around the house. For me this has caused dizziness, sweating, nausea, extreme anxiety, and pretty much making me feel like I'm having a heart attack. On the whole it isn't life threatening but of course because it deals with your heart it can lead to further heart damage and always the possible heart attack. Freaky! I don't like the way it feels and I certainly don't like thinking about having an attack, especially with a new job, a move, and being without my safe haven Adam for a time.
I'm hoping in the long run I'll be happy to have found a reason for my anxiety and a possible solution through ablation surgery. Otherwise no kids for me due to medication. Lots to think about and lots to mentally plan for. I'd like to say I feel at peace with it but I can't say that is the case yet. Maybe in time when I get used to it I won't feel so out-of-body when it happens. Maybe I won't always worry it might be a bad attack or end in an ER trip. I hope to find some relief soon. In the meantime, I'll be packing boxes and praying for Adam to get a job ASAP in San Francisco. Oh and practicing lots and lots of meditation. I love this picture I took on my iPhone in Prague. Birds are a symbol of freedom. One day I hope that my heart, literally my heart, will be as free from anxiety as the cobalt birds in flight. Until then, this picture can be my mantra.

And I wonder.

2011-05-04T20:15:00.000-07:00

Baby Hazel Grace Hale was born on Monday night and I just think she is the cutest! I am absolutely in love with her name. I love Hazel (my eyes are hazel duh!) and Grace is just so elegant. And...Hazel Hale? She has famous written all over her.
Dear Hazel,

Welcome to this world. Your Auntie and Uncle from sunny San Diego can't wait to meet you. Please don't get too big before we do. I'm planning on a nice little nap with you in my arms when the day finally comes. Don't worry if I smell the top of your head. New baby is the best smell and I'll want to soak you in. Hopefully we will being seeing you very very soon.

Too much love and kisses,
Auntie J

Greek yogurt.

2011-04-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

Yes dears, I know. It HAS been quite some time since I've blogged. I was considering quitting but maybe I have more left in me to say than I think. I just got back from almost a month in Europe. I feel so lucky...traveling, besides reading, sleeping babies snuggled on my chest, fresh gelato, and warm sunshine on my bare feet is my absolute favorite thing in the world to do. I know to some it is a luxury. But to me, a necessity. And (even if you aren't supposed to start sentences with "and"), I'd gladly give up nicer cars, bigger houses, fancy clothes, stability, and my left arm to be able to go. In Paris, with my sisters, created memories that will bring laughter and happiness to me my whole life. Even today it brings tears to my eyes how much delight mixed with frustration (afterall, traveling can be stressful) that week brought me. Sisters - I love you more than words can share. Lyla - I'm so happy we found you a stroller and that you love ice-cream like I do.
I have three weeks until Adam and I move to the bay area. I dread and look forward to it all in one breath. It is impossible to turn down this opportunity, even if my heart belongs in San Diego these days. I'm sure soon, it could easily belong somewhere else.

And just because nothing in the world is cuter than this ----------->

Heart melt.

2011-03-14T10:00:00.001-07:00

I found this story on julia.

"i (sabino) just read a comment from a 2004 article by the ny times about the loneliest whale in the world. scientists have been tracking her since 1992 and they discovered the problem:

she isn’t like any other baleen whale. unlike all whales, she doesn’t have friends. she doesn’t have a family. she doesn’t belong to any tribe, pack or gang. she doesn’t have a lover. she never had one. her songs come in groups of two to six calls, lasting for five to six seconds each. but her voice is unlike any other baleen whale. it is unique—while the rest of her kind communicate between 12 and 25hz, she sings at 51.75hz. you see, that’s precisely the problem. no other whales can hear her. every one of her desperate calls to communicate remains unanswered. each cry ignored. and with every lonely song, she becomes sadder and more frustrated, her notes going deeper in despair as the years go by. "

Heart hurt.

Free Monday!

2011-03-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

In the land of pink poodles. I heart my neighborhood. It's the wicked witch - gone gay and stylish.

Photo courtesy of: Gini.

I have your book.

2011-03-03T18:56:00.000-08:00

I've had a hard last few days. The kind you feel so emotionally tired you want to crawl in a hole and close the lid, or at least under the covers and pull them up over your head. Then, this morning I received a very touching email that just made me burst into tears. I have a favorite book - The River Why by David James Duncan. I can read it over and over again and no matter what is happening in my life it always teaches me something new.

I've bought this book over and over again because I end up giving it away to friends. I had a very special copy of one with handwritten notes on the inside. When I first moved to Salt Lake I met a friend named Kevin in my first ward there who loved to fly fish. So the first words out of my mouth were, "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK!" I was so excited.

So I got my favorite copy right away and handed it over. Well I moved to a new ward, met Adam, got married, and never talked to Kevin much anymore. We never dated but were just friends. I texted him a few times over the next two years trying to get my book back. He even promised to drop it off in my mailbox but to no avail it was lost forever. When we packed up and moved to San Diego I kind of gave up on Kevin and the hope of ever getting my book back.

I've thought about that book a few times and felt some sorrow for not having it. In the last few years though I've purchased and given away several more copies. This morning, when I opened up my FB I had an email from a long lost friend named Kevin. It went something like this:

Title: I have your book...

and it is slightly altered. I have always felt so bad in keeping this book, and thought I would make it up to you. But first, read my story and then you can decide if you want it back.
At a fly fishing festival in Boulder Colorado in 2007, I met a man in front of a landscape picture featuring the Blackfoot River in Montana. He said something aloud about how artists depict certain features and keep others out. I responded by saying that writers do the same thing. He asked me if I was a writer, and I told him that I write for fun and keep journals. And I showed him a bit of my writing in my backpack I had on me at the time. We started talking about how I love to write and I had his attention. He was drinking lemonade and he asked me about what I like to write about. I told him I loved stories about fishing, and love to read other peoples' writings.
He suggested I start reading David James Duncan since I liked fly fishing and the Rockies. I told him I had two copies of Duncan's books with me, The River Why and My Story as Told by Water. I spoke with him for about 30 minutes and told him my favorite passage in The River Why. Then I turned to the back of the book, and realized that I was talking to David James Duncan and the ground disappeared from beneath me.
He smiled and I kept on talking about his writings, and how they matched up to some of the experiences in my life. He is amazing, and I email him every once in a while to get some feedback on my writing.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I asked him to sign your book and to forgive my trespass of keeping your book that I know is very special to you. So he did just that, he signed it and asked you to forgive me.
So...where can I send your book?

-Kevin

I immediately started bawling. I love David James Duncan and I LOVED that copy of The River Why. I guess all in all, there was a reason I never got that book back. What a special email after a hard few days. I can't wait to see what I wrote in the margins so long ago. It was so fun to see Kevin's facebook profile of his wife and his fly fishing photos. I guess I can't be mad he kept my book anymore. Well as soon as I get it in the mail that is....*smiles*

Obsessed much?

2011-03-02T20:08:00.000-08:00

Love day.

2011-02-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of attending Andru and Brennan's Valentine's dance as Nicole's date. I have to say we are definitely lipstick lesbians! Agree?
Of course I took to opportunity to get dressed up fancy and dance to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. It was so cute to see all the nerdy daddies out there dancing with their daughters. It brought a little softness to my heart.

One-eyed willie.

2011-02-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just wake up feeling grouchy? I think this was the look on my face at 6 AM this morning. I think I might have to blame it on my non-cleanse that I seem to be doing.

Swim.

2011-02-18T18:33:00.000-08:00

It isn't very often I get to use these in San Diego but today was the perfect day to break out my rain boots! I love the bright yellow and it always makes me happy to wear them. It's been storming since about 3 pm this afternoon.

Right about the time my migraine started coming on. I hate them - they really are too awful and I get depressed every time I have one. On the upside I got to spend the afternoon tucked in my grandma quilt on the couch listening to the rain fall. It was perfectly quiet in my house except for the pitter patter outside on the pavement and Kira's occasional sigh.
I even watched a film called, "Seducing Doctor Lewis." It is incredibly charming and brought a smile multiple times to my face despite the migraine. A tiny fishing village in Quebec needs to convince a young city doctor to live in their village in order to get a factory to open up in their town and re-employ all of the unemployed fisherman after hard times befell the town.

Do you ever wish you grew up in a tiny town? Sometimes I do....and sometimes I don't. But on this rainy day living in St. Marie-La-Mauderne and knowing all of my neighbors business sounds rather nice.

Rain on.

Careless life.

2011-02-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

So it's been raining so lovely here in San Diego for the past few days. I've been itching to go hiking these past few weeks since I lost my hiking partner Jennie to her winter school schedule.

This is our last hike to Iron Mountain in San Diego. It was a beautiful day and you could see all the way to the water.
Of course we had to get a shot with Shakira in it. She made friends with a German Shepherd puppy so it was hard to get her to come over for the picture. She is easily distracted.

My next hike I am planning - hopefully for this weekend is Cedar Creek falls. I'll relish in all the water after the rain and the falls should be semi-full considering we ARE in California. Maybe Adam will make an appearance on my hike and subsequently on my blog. If you are lucky that is...

Postcards from italy.

2011-02-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes love can be so lovely. Happy Valentine's Day...a few days late.

Postcards From Italy from ForYouLoveMe on Vimeo.

Auntie date 2.

2011-02-09T18:05:00.001-08:00

It was Teyana's turn for an Auntie date. I promise we did more than make funny faces but I think this was the best part!

Play this.

2011-02-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

You won't be sorry.

Iron and Wine Tree by the river A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

In the meantime.

2011-02-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

The unemployed life is still treating me quite well! I do have two interviews in the next week though. I guess I'll take what I can get. If anything comes of them I could be back to work and giving up my life of luxury sooner than I had planned on.

In the meantime, I decided it was high time to head to Disneyland. Adam's sister Dawn and her family came down. My sister Adrienne, her husband Erik, their daughter Lyla, and my Dad all decided they wanted to go too. Group trip to Disneyland!

I think my Dad was just excited as the little kids about it. Here he is on Thunder Mountain.
Charlie and Ian ready to jump into the depths of Space Mountain. We went three time in a row! No lines - Disneyland in January is awesome. I think we were all a little sick by the third time around.

Adrienne, Lyla, and I at the end of the day.
Saying goodbye to the Coles. Ian and Charlie made me go on the California Screamin' in California Adventure Park. It is a HUGE roller coaster that goes upside down. I have always HATED roller coasters. I've never been on anything that spins me upside down. But the peer pressure was fierce and I couldn't look like a wuss in front of my niece and nephew. So it is a official - my first upside down roller coaster. Can I add that to my goal list?

Lyla saying good bye to Papa!

Someone had a good first day at Disneyland!

In other news I am starting my cleanse tomorrow - no gluten, no dairy, no refined sugars, no red meat. Sounds bad right?

Desert solitaire.

2011-02-01T15:22:00.000-08:00

I have always loved Edward Abbey's book, "Desert Solitaire." But honestly up until the last year I have never been that big a fan of the desert. This year I've been lucky enough to visit Joshua Tree (or "J-Tree" for the coolest of us) twice. I think I am starting to fall in love.

My first weekend of an unemployed member of society was spent at a rock climbing class that my friend Jenni and I found on Groupon. SoCal Mountain Guides was the climbing company that we bought the Groupon through. Our two guides Nate and Danny were very professional and made sure we followed all of the safety rules at all times. I never felt worried!

Yep, here I am - first climb!
Just for some perspective.

Here we are on a break. It was pretty chilly because the Thin Line (the name of the rock we were climbing on) was in the shade. So on our breaks we sought out the sun like little desert lizards.

Oh this is my artsy shot. I hope SoCal Mountain Guides get some hits off of this!

Jennie found a dollar bill wedged into some rocks up at the top of the climb. She wasn't able to get the dollar so our guide made me a tool and I climbed up, took my helmet off for two seconds (shhh, don't tell), and snagged the dollar bill, that happened to turn into three dollar bills. I gave one to Jennie (finder's fee), one to the guide (for making the tool), and kept one for my efforts and risking my life for three bucks.

Here are Jennie and I climbing tandem.

Aftwerwards we hit up the hot tub as our reward for a long day. We were definitely sore the next day but we had a really good time. Now all I need to do if find some climbing friends so I can continue learning!
Oh and did I mention I crossed off another goal?!?!?!?! Yippee!!

Love. hate.

2011-01-31T10:50:00.000-08:00

The internet and I are best friends and the worst enemies. I am definitely one of those people who have to try and self-monitor my time spent perusing the massive database that is "online." There are too many things to see and so many interesting articles to read. But at some point during the day I realize it is time to "shut it down" and go out into the world. I try to be pretty critical of the things I stumble upon and not just flood my blog with every interesting Youtube video that crosses my path. It must be the romantic in me though that is making me post this one.

Last day.

2011-01-27T17:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is really my last official day at Pony. I could dwell on all of the fear and trepidation that is in my heart about the future but instead I think I'll try and kick back and enjoy it. I felt a welling of excitement in my chest as I packed up all the Pony boxes that have been filling up my closet. I've never been laid off before but let's raise our glasses to first times...the future will hold great things. I'm quite certain of it.

Back fat.

2011-01-26T18:46:00.000-08:00

I like my life as an Auntie.
The best part about being laid off is that I get to go up and see my sister Adrienne and Lyla more often. I know I am lucky she is only two hours away but it feels too far when you want to go over and borrow nail polish or read Lyla a bedtime story.

I came home from New York early and flew straight to L.A. to be cheered up by this sweet snuggler.
It did make me feel better. And so did 75 degree weather in January with a topless niece.Life is good.

Play me a tune.

2011-01-25T09:04:00.001-08:00

This made me smile this morning! Do something fun today!

Empire state of mind.

2011-01-18T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yea, what? I did just quote a Jay-Z song on my blog. And I even like that song. Not all my music is sad indie alright. It was really fun to be in New York with Jessica, Jennie, and my friend Kristina (she came down from Boston for the weekend). The bad part was that my anixety was really really bad. Anxiety and New York are not friends - except in Central Park where you can breathe. Most of New York was really spin-ney feeling. Good thing I have pictures to prove that not everything was constantly tilting in front of my face. See nothing is moving...

One of the best things (besides my besties of course) was trekking via two elevators and 86 floors to the top of the Empire State Building. I have been to New York two times before this trip and have never done it. I decided this was the year. And just to prove it to you:
Success!!

Isn't is sparkly?? It was a gorgeous day.

Master of the self-photo. Thanks to Gini!
I like view finders - they look like people to me.

Isn't the back light pretty?

Top of the Empire State Building - CHECK!

Lego Wo-man.

2011-01-17T14:25:00.000-08:00

This is my post dedicated to Hunter. Hunter is my nephew and he LOOOOOOOVES legos. In New York I was walking around Rockefeller Plaza and I passed by this display. It was the biggest Lego man I have ever seen. It reminded me of Hunter so I did my best Lego lady impression. Aren't you impressed?

PS - It was really cold there. Like, really cold. Today I am in LA about to put on my bikini and go to the beach. New York - you are alright...for one extremely cold minute.

Perfect for me.

2011-01-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks Gini. If you people only knew.

Monday.

2011-01-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

This just might be it.

2011-01-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

I may have just died and gone to heaven.

Click here.

Live big.

2011-01-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

1. Hike Machu Picchu or go to Croatia. I am undecided.
2. Become a certified yoga teacher.
3. Pick a paint color for my kitchen wall and love it (Oh and paint it).
4. Make bread from scratch.
5. Start a compost in my backyard.
6. Get into full pigeon pose.
7. Start a family (even though my dog and my Dad are currently my two kids right now).
8. Blog about anxiety - there are lots of other people who have it. They like to avoid Costco on Saturdays too.
9. See Niagara falls.
10. Get a Voodoo Doughnut.
11. Take a belly dancing class.
12. Take French 101. Oui! Oui!
13. Go to the top of the Empire State Building.
14. Do it outside. And by "it" you know what I mean. C'mon be adventurous! Plus it helps with my number 7.
15. Take a rock climbing course.
16. Landscape my front yard.
17. Learn to knit a beanie (not using the nifty-knitter).
18. Go see another concert at Red Rock in Colorado.
19. Quit my job.
20. Go gluten-free for two weeks. My friend Bonnie said I should do two months and I said no thanks!
21. Stop using paper towels.
22. Memorize a poem.
23. Grow something new in my garden this year.
24. Keep a "thankful list" and add something new once a week.
25. Make something out of wood.
26. Pray every day. Even just to say hello.
27. Read at least one book a month.
28. Sew Kira a cute dog bed.
29. Plant a lemon tree.
30. Find a volunteer organization and VOLUNTEER!
31. Make a new CD mix and send it out to my friends.
32. Fly a kite.

I know there will be addendums to my list.

VooDoo Doughnut - CHECK!
32 is going to be a great year!