Because really, aren't blogs to vent after all? For some reason with each passing year I become more dissatisfied with my life. Well certain areas of my life. I realize that to many, my life seems good. In many, many ways it really is quite good. I have a very good life and am grateful for all the things I have been blessed with. Such as (in no particular order):
1. The cutest dog in all the land.
2. A very good husband who does the dishes almost every morning without fail so I can come home to a clean house after work (and dirty it up again with dinner every day).
3. A job that pays me a good salary. Of course I could always use a little more but overall I have been blessed with good companies that have good benefits and given me a decent salary.
4. Opportunities to travel. There are many reasons I like to travel. It happens to be a place where I feel most in the moment - I smile the most, I breathe the most, I feel alive the most. And I've thought a lot about it - it isn't because I'm on vacation. It's because I see the world operating in a whole new way. The world feels more simple. I do things that matter to me more. I spend time with my loved ones more. I feel my soul fly just a little more. The best part is that it happens in grungy places with cockroaches, old world cities dripping in rain, and on tropical beaches filled with more air and water than I could ever breathe in.
5. Family and friends that mean the world to me. This is never an area of my life that I question the value of. I've often felt that if for any reason my life ended earlier than I wanted the main blessing that I have been given are the lovely, wonderful, charming, funny, smart, sweet, thoughtful friends and family that are in my circle. Thank you!
6. Warm drinks (hot chocolate and tea of course), soft blankets, 30 Rock re-runs, and someone to snuggle (Adam or Kira?) on cold rainy days.
7. The way I feel when I'm somewhere in nature where there are less people than trees or hills or rocks or wildflowers.What a world there is to explore!
Yet, there are days, that just maybe it all feels futile. Maybe what I'm doing is just a little bit meaningless? I think being away from a place you used to feel comfortable, you used to call home, you used to know things and people, causes you to grown and morph in ways you don't realize. For instance, I desperately feel like I need people to help! I used to be useful - babysitting nephews, holding nieces, making friends laugh in sad times, being there for people who need you. Now, in this new place, it's much harder to be useful. You actually have to go find ways to be useful to others and after a long day at work and dealing with my health issues I don't seem to have much energy to do that. So this is my Friday wish - that I might find a way to be useful to someone, that I can find something to volunteer for that fits with my energy level and weird dizziness issues right now, that I will find meaning through service to others. And that I will also find meaning in the simple things of every day life.
Oh and while I'm wishing - that I can find a cute little boutique hostel in central America to own and operate with Adam and Shakira. And maybe one day, a wee one of our own to join us on this adventure.
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